


Lacrimosa

by Milady_Kora



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: (Platonic) Love, Blindness, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Post-Canon, Trauma, Understanding, Vulnerability, hand-holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26041705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milady_Kora/pseuds/Milady_Kora
Summary: "From the air and temperature around them, Dimitri assumes they’re sitting in the shade. Needless to say, he feels immensely guilty for what he has done, but his gratitude towards his friends outweighs the guilt and he decides to ask.'Could you', he licks his lips and swallows. 'Could you please describe the sky for me?'"Ingrid, Felix and Sylvain are called to Fhirdiad, the messengers only telling them that the King is injured and needs their support. When they arrive, they discover Dimitri had a relapse and is now fully blind. The four have no option but to work everything out.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Ingrid Brandl Galatea & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Ingrid Brandl Galatea & Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Lacrimosa

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for my application to the [Faerghus Four Zine](https://twitter.com/faerghusfour) \- while I didn't get accepted, I still had a lot of fun writing this and I'm looking forward to reading the finished zine; check it out, too!  
> Huge thanks to my beta [Ginko](https://twitter.com/ginkobean)!
> 
> Content Warnings: Discussion of self-harm, mention of drowning (one word, no description), discussion of psychotic episodes and hallucinations (Dimitri, canon-typical), discussion of PTSD symptoms, blindness

The four of them sit on a blanket in the palace garden. It’s early in the afternoon.

Dimitri can only guess where exactly the other three are, seeing as he has nothing but his hearing to help him out. On their way from his chamber, Ingrid and Sylvain held his arms, slowly leading him. Felix hadn’t said anything the entire time he has been here, not even greeting him when he arrived two days ago, but would still never leave his side.

From the air and temperature around them, Dimitri assumes they’re sitting in the shade. Needless to say, he feels immensely guilty for what he has done, but his gratitude towards his friends outweighs the guilt and he decides to ask.

“Could you”, he licks his lips and swallows. “Could you please describe the sky for me?”

For a brief second, Dimitri’s words fill the space between them as the others take a moment to absorb the reality that their king is truly and forever blind. Then, a lengthy silence emerges. Ingrid opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out except for a choked noise, something between a sniffle and a sob. Sylvain takes a deep breath, holding Felix’s hand between his two, but no words leave his throat, either. 

Seconds pass, heartbeats turning into slow, controlled breaths. Birds chirp in the trees around them. Ingrid and Sylvain take turns looking at the sky, then down as soon as their eyes fill with tears.

Dimitri looks uncomfortable at the silence. Guilty. He lifts a hand to touch the bandage over where his remaining eye used to be, wincing at the contact. “I… I’m truly sorry,” Dimitri begins and doesn’t know how to continue. He feels lost more than anything else.

Sylvain shakes his head, clearing his throat before he speaks. “You… it’s not your fault the ghosts came back again. It’s alright.”

Dimitri turns his head towards Sylvain’s voice, “It’s not alright,” he replies.

Felix lets out a bitter laugh. The sound of it makes everyone flinch. “No, it really isn’t,” he says.

Then, he sighs and looks up. “The sky is… clear. Deep. There’s barely any clouds, so it’s just a blue plain.” Felix’s voice is impassive, but his fingers fidget with Sylvain’s hand. “Remember Gronder? It’s like back there. Almost feels like you could sink into it and drown. If we were kids right now, we’d probably just spend the entire day looking at it and watching the clouds move. There’s one right now that kind of looks like a Wyvern.” He swallows and leans back. “You know how Glenn always wanted to be a Wyvern Lord? He always looked up at the sky in the morning. Today would have been a good day for him to fly.”

Ingrid smiles, a few stray tears slowly trickling down her face, and reaches out for Felix’s free hand. He lets her.

She looks at the trees for a moment, then picks up where Felix left off. “The wind up there would be quite cold, so you’d have to wear several layers of clothing. But it’s absolutely worth it. From up there, it looks even more pure.” She looks up again, blinking. “It’s… it’s so wide and open. When you’re flying, you always have to make sure the sun is at your back and not in front of you because after a while, it gets really blinding.”

She stops abruptly, wincing at her word choice.

Dimitri doesn’t even seem to notice, his face completely relaxed. “That sounds absolutely wonderful,” he says. “What… what else is there?”

Sylvain shifts a little in his seat, one of his hands letting go of Felix’s.

“Don’t be alarmed, it’s just me”, he murmurs quietly as he takes Dimitri’s hand. It’s warm and a little sweaty, but he doesn’t care. How could he, when Dimitri’s posture instantly relaxes in a deep exhale of relief, tension draining away from him.

“Alright,” Sylvain says. “I mean, what Felix and Ingrid said, right? It’s just wide and open and free. You look up at it and… it’s just there, all this freedom, and nobody can take it away. Heck, nobody would even think of trying. Kind of makes you wonder how much all those small things really matter.”

Sylvain sees Felix nod from the corner of his eyes and smiles, breathing in deeply through his nose. The crisp autumn air actually stings a little. Ingrid lies down on her back, momentarily letting go of Felix’s hand as she tries to find a comfortable position. Sylvain pats his lap, eyes crinkling when she accepts.

Dimitri moves his head a little, trying to understand from hearing alone where everyone is.

“You’ll get used to it,” Felix says roughly. When he sees Dimitri’s confused frown, he adds: “Didn’t mean it as an insult. Sorry.”

“I’m truly glad you have so much faith in me, Felix,” Dimitri replies dryly, lips quirking into a smile when he hears Felix snort. He really is relieved they’re talking again. “I remember how we were in Aillel,” Dimitri mutters. “Of course, I don’t remember much about that time, but I do recall that when we finally left, I took a moment to look up at the sky. There was no smoke, no ash flying around, just… this beautiful cerulean ocean. I was probably hallucinating at that point. The clouds looked like pure silver.”

Ingrid hums in response, her eyes closed. Again, a few moments of silence pass, but for once, the silence is comfortable.

A blackbird chirps loudly, making all four of them jump.

Sylvain shifts a little, careful not to disturb Ingrid. He looks at Felix sitting to his left, using their linked hands to pull him closer. He doesn’t know how to phrase the question that has been buzzing through his mind since the messenger had arrived at Gautier a few days ago, so he steels himself and asks bluntly.

“Did you lose your other eye like this, too?”

Judging by Ingrid’s sharp intake of breath... actually, he doesn’t know how to interpret it, but Dimitri clumsily pats around with his free hand until he finds something of Ingrid (her elbow, in this case), and thankfully, she takes his hand in hers. 

“I think so,” Dimitri says slowly. He looks down. “I… I think a few months had passed since Dedue helped me escape the execution. There were constantly voices around me, crying for revenge, and… I thought that if I gave them some of my pain, they’d leave for a while.” He chuckles, but his voice is filled with regret. “I figured I could spare an eye more than anything else.”

Felix’s hand is tense in Sylvain’s. “Did it help?”, the latter asks, not knowing which response to hope for. 

Dimitri doesn’t either. “It did, ashamed as I am to admit it. If I’m honest, I don’t even know how I survived the wound, not to mention everything else. Eventually, the voices came back, asking for more, and I… started to use the pain of others to relieve my own.” Dimitri swallows. “I probably ask for forgiveness so often that all my apologies have lost their meaning, but I’m afraid they’re are all I have left.”

Nobody says anything for a while. When Dimitri speaks again, his voice is choked with tears he can now never shed. “I’m sorry. I wish I could say that I don’t know why I did it this time, but… I just woke up and the voices were stronger than they have been in years. And all I knew was that I wouldn’t hurt other people again just for my own selfish gains. So… I did this. I’m truly, truly sorry.”

He hears Felix hum in thought. When Felix speaks, his voice is less sharp than usual - irritated, but not angry. “Are you going to cut off a piece of yourself every time something like this happens?”

Dimitri flinches and shakes his head, a few strands of hair falling down his forehead. As painful as the question is, he can’t really blame Felix for asking, and answers as honestly as he can.

“I hope not.” 

“Good,” Sylvain says, his voice hoarse, and clears his throat before continuing. “You need to have better ways to deal with this.”

Dimitri flinches again when Sylvain gently tucks the strands behind his ears without letting go of his hand, but leans into his touch. It feels nice.  
Ingrid turns her head towards him, squeezing his hand.

“I have this too,” she says. “Not as bad as you, naturally, but sometimes, I… I feel all their weight, too. The people we’ve lost. For me, it’s not anger, it’s their disappointment, the question whether I could have prevented all of it if I had just… been a better knight, or made the right choices, or done something, anything differently.” Dimitri opens his mouth, probably to apologise or protest, but she continues. “This is my burden to bear, and I know that. But... it doesn’t mean I can’t ask for help, and during the war, I talked a lot about this with Seteth and the professor.” 

Her thumb strokes over Dimitri’s knuckles. 

“What I’m saying is… maybe you could try that, too. You have people who care about you, Dimitri, and I think all of us would much rather bear this with you than have you suffer all on your own.” 

Her eyes glint a little when she gently adds: “Even Felix, as much as he would have you believe otherwise.”

“Don’t drag me into this,” Felix mutters with his usual scoff, but Dimitri can tell that there isn’t any bite to it - even without seeing his face. He hears Sylvain move in what he assumes is a nod.

Again, a few birds fly over their heads, chirping loudly as they move from branch to branch. The trees rustle softly in the breeze. Dimitri lies down carefully, feeling around him to make sure he has enough space and doesn’t accidentally use Ingrid’s armour as a pillow.

“Tell me about the sky again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment with how you'd describe the sky above you right now!
> 
> And come find me on Twitter under [@MiladyKora](https://twitter.com/MiladyKora) where I scream about Sylvix, Fire Emblem and everything in between.


End file.
